I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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