At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
