I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize