Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
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No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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