Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
