I am puke
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
