its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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