The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
