apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
