I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
