I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
