If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
