16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
