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TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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