I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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