You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
