Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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