I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
