I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
