I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
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just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
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I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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