I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
