singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Im part way to drunk.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He did a backflip because drugs
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