I didn't shave. On purpose
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
