We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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