I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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