I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm determined to sit on that face.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize