Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
