Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize