I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It was confusing and full of hummus
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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