i permit you to call me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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