Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
