Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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