3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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