Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
