I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
