Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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