we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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