i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i now understand why vodka
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
