The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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