I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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