Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
