You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
