i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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