I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
