Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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