Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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