sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
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The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
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The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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