Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
