Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
