I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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