Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
