You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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