you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
