Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
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please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
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She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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