I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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