News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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