i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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