I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
